The Golden Key #2 at Sabotage Reviews

Many thanks to Nick Murray at Sabotage Reviews for kind words about “The Swan.” You can read the review here.

And while you’re at it, why not download an issue or two of The Golden Key? Or at the very least, check out “The Swan.”

Relocation

My husband has been offered a job at a university in the UK, so it’s time to pack up and leave again and say goodbye again and this time we won’t be coming back to North Carolina after a while. It’s hard to think about leaving when I’ve loved this place and its people for so long. On the other hand, it will be nice to be in a place where there are sidewalks. And I won’t miss the giant bugs at all. 

Thinking about Thought Catalog

1. This week there has been an uptick in Thought-Catalog-listicle-sharing on my Facebook newsfeed. A few years ago I used to sometimes feel annoyed by Thought Catalog, particularly when something to do with Tao Lin was on offer. Time has not improved this.

2. People in their twenties ought not to advise other people in their twenties to leech every ounce of pleasure out of their twenties by overstating the significance of their twenties while minimizing actual emotional engagement with their twenties via the dissemination of self-indulgent pap. But, in the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king.

3. This is where some people would discuss Millennials, but to discuss Millennials is to distract oneself from the universal truth that young people are grating.

4. I was a terrible person in my twenties. I was an animal, probably some kind of herbivore because I couldn’t look at anything straight-on; my eyes were on the sides of my head. In short, I was a coward, and I still am. If I were asked to give advice to people in their twenties, I would have to decline! Who needs pseudo-philosophical advice on how to enjoy youth? Youth enjoys itself! Who needs life hacks? Buy less, give more, and stop being an asshole.

5. I got an actual catalog — the L.L. Bean catalog — in the mail yesterday. Warmth at a good price really can’t be beat. Actually, if I were to give advice to a person in her twenties, I would tell her to wear good quality wool socks and winter boots in the cold. It was a lesson I learned too late, I’m afraid, and by then many winters had already been wasted.

 

 

The Secret to My Productivity

What’s my secret?

I wear the foulest of pajamas, by which I mean the squishiest, and the most infantilizing. I lock myself in a warm room with a hot drink. And I turn off the internet. The internet is for plebs.

And then I set a timer. Every twenty-five minutes, I stand up for five minutes because I am afraid of death.

Also, I quit my day job. It’s that simple.

Unemployment + nasty pajamas + hot liquid + pomodoro – internet = many pages of mediocre fiction

New story out: The Swan!

Hey. Go to The Golden Key right now and read “The Swan.”

Better yet, make a donation and download the entire issue. As a professional business person and an artist, it’s my duty to tell you that free fiction is neither advisable nor sustainable. Or as my mother would say, “When you don’t pay for media, you’re stealing someone’s livelihood.”

Many thanks to the Golden Key for publishing this story!

Hilarious side project of dubious legality

Need free legal counsel, please. My lawyer charges much too much.

Without further ado:

Black Habits!

I am so totally remiss in not posting about this earlier. I would like to announce that my short story, “Black Habits,” was published by Etopia Press last fall both as a standalone Ebook, and as part of the Touched By Darkness anthology.* One reviewer notes its “gory, graphic, unexpected horror-on a strong foundation of psychological horror founded in the Id’s conflict with guilt and shame.” I think that’s generous, but I’ll take it. No, but really, this story was a joy to work on, and in terms of sheer delight while writing, I doubt I’ll ever top it.

*Subsequent to its publication, I’ve received two royalty statements, and have earned in total $8. This is very exciting, and I suggest that you add to that amount by purchasing a copy immediately. Proceeds go towards the purchase of a plastic Adirondack chair for the back porch. Or better eyeliner because I keep buying cheap stuff and it really isn’t any good. Also, I ran out of my expensive moisturizer, so obviously I could use the money. Buy this story today. The standalone copy is 99 cents. For that price, you don’t even have to feel bad about not reading it.